The role of insecurity: Friendships, Relationships ? Thoughts on ...

After a lot of reflection about human nature recently, I?ve observed how the seeming inherent insecurity in everyone appears. Whenever someone criticises someone else under the guise of banter or general conversation, or simply asserts arrogance, or becomes defensive once challenged, it simply shows the omnipresence of insecurity. I?m noticing this increasingly and it?s a little bothering; we are making conversation to make ourselves more secure and content ? at the expense of others.

I can see it has a practical purpose. This insecurity is a way of inserting a necessity for (most) people to have relationships. Once born, as we grow up our parents give us all the security we need (in theory), detach themselves and force us to make friends. This is part of the strengthening process; any detachment from parents must be replaced by attachment to friends. When engaging in conversation with friends, we aim to enjoy ourselves. But this simply is a way of satisfying our insecurities. The aforementioned traits in conversations, along with making ourselves seem purposeful (having a good time), are the purpose of conversations in relation to security.

Talking with friends also helps us to become more secure as people. We get torn apart by others to be put back together stronger, generally increasing the resistive force we can put up with to make ourselves increasingly secure. Deep down, though, our purposelessness (the core part of insecurity, I?d assert), is fulfilled with a relationship. While we increase our barriers to outside threats, we still have a soft spot inside for that someone. We truly feel as if everything comes into place when it works out ? since it does, our insecurity is seemingly fulfilled. Two purposeless beings come together to fool each other that they give each other purpose. Not that such an objective perspective can be taken with ease ? emotions often draw us away from such purposelessness.

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Lest anyone thinks that this is entirely negative, I feel I ought to qualify: It?s not a bad thing that we do make jokes at others? expense. We do, in the end, have fun and strengthen others. It is also rather impressive that we have evolved such that this happens. It is just that it can be disconcerting to spot insecurity and knowing that?s the ultimate intention, even though the apparent intention is to share a joke or equivalent.

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Source: http://starkrush.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/the-role-of-insecurity-friendships-relationships/

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